If you’re over 50 and feeling the urge to make new friends but find the idea intimidating, you’re not alone. Here’s how to ease into it with confidence.
You know how it is. You go to an event or class and chat with a few attendees before it begins. You get on well and would love to see them again, but you can’t bring yourself to ask them if they’d like to meet. What if they say no? Maybe they don’t even like you. What would you chat about?
Sound familiar?
These fears might seem trivial, but they’re natural – and you’re not alone in feeling this way. Many others share these same concerns, making them totally relatable.
Humans’ fear of social rejection has deep roots. Long ago, being part of the tribe was essential for survival. Being cast out wasn’t just uncomfortable; it was life-threatening. Fast-forward a few thousand years, and most of us still worry about fitting in. Memories of feeling left out or misunderstood can linger, making it tricky to put ourselves out there.
So, what can we do when we crave connection but fear is holding you back? Here are a few ideas:
- Remember What Your Fears Reveal About You
Feeling nervous about reaching out signals that friendship is important to you. Instead of getting frustrated with yourself for being hesitant, appreciate that this reflects how much you value connection. Embracing this self-compassion is a great confidence booster and a way to be kinder to yourself when making new friends.
- They’re Probably Thinking the Same Thing
If you’re considering inviting someone you already know – even a little – to meet up, remember they might think the same thing! The other person likely enjoys your company, too and would like to see more of you. Sometimes, all it takes is a little courage to break the ice and suggest a coffee or walk and off you go. Be the one that takes that first brave step.
- Embrace the Awkward
Yes, making new friends as an adult can feel like dating, complete with all the jitters. But remember, it’s okay to feel a bit awkward. Being upfront about this can help break the ice. A playful comment about your ‘friend date nerves’ can add a bit of humour and honesty to the moment – and who doesn’t appreciate that in a friend? So, embrace the awkwardness and make it a part of your unique friendship journey.
- Keep Things Flexible
When you suggest a get-together, remember that everyone has a busy schedule. It’s normal for us to juggle family, work, and other responsibilities. So, don’t take it personally if they’re a bit stretched for time. The best friendships grow with every meetup, so let things flow naturally without rushing.
- Start with What You Have in Common
Are you worried you’ll run out of things to talk about? Lean into the things you already share. Let these familiar topics guide your conversation, whether it’s your love of dogs, the places you’ve travelled to, or a favourite restaurant. Ask questions about their interests, how they found their way to your shared activity, or what other things they enjoy. Curiosity is the perfect way to deepen a connection.
The beauty of a new friendship is the discovery – there’s so much more to learn about each other. With a bit of bravery and an open heart, you’ll likely find common interests, differences, and many things to chat about.
So take a deep breath, make the first move, and enjoy seeing where it goes.