As my next milestone birthday looms, I’ve been reflecting on the lessons life has taught me over the past two decades. One particular memory stands out – a pivotal moment that, at the time, felt like a disaster but ultimately shaped the person I am today.
It’s the story of how I ruined my 40th birthday. Not just for me but for everyone else around me – and how that event started me on a journey of transformation.
The day I hit rock bottom
On my 40th birthday, my colleagues at work went above and beyond. They arrived early to decorate my desk with balloons, banners, and a thoughtful present. My husband had also spent weeks planning and crafting a memorable, heartfelt gift for me.
The problem? I didn’t want to celebrate turning 40. I didn’t even want to acknowledge it.
When I walked into the office and saw my corner transformed into a party zone, I snapped. I tore down the decorations, muttered something about not wanting to celebrate, and demanded they return the gift. Later, I refused my husband’s present, although I eventually accepted it after calming down.
At the time, I was consumed by fear—fear of ageing, fear of change, fear of losing the identity I thought I knew. Looking back, I see it for what it was: an outpouring of unresolved grief, anxiety, and pressure that had been building for years.
Life doesn’t begin at 40
Anyone who’s reached our age will know that life doesn’t magically begin at 40. For many of us, it’s a period of significant transition.
By 40, for many of us, our kids are becoming teenagers, our parents may be struggling with health issues, and we’re often at the height of our careers, experiencing both success and immense pressure.
For me, these challenges were compounded by the loss of my mum just two years earlier. Her passing after a brave battle with cancer left me grieving and questioning everything. In my bid to find meaning, I left a high-pressure senior management role in the NHS and took an 80% pay cut to pursue a completely different career in journalism.
While the change initially felt liberating, it brought its own set of challenges. Learning new skills in a high-paced environment while grappling with unresolved grief was overwhelming. My 40th birthday became the breaking point where everything bubbled to the surface.
A Turning point
After my outburst, I explained my behaviour to my colleagues. I shared my struggles with grief and how I was seeing a counsellor to help me process everything. To their credit, they forgave me, and normality returned, though I never got the birthday treatment again!
That day marked a turning point. It made me realise how much I’d been clinging to the past—to the person I used to be—and how that was holding me back.
I learned that fighting against change is exhausting and futile. The years will pass regardless of whether you embrace them or resist them. Instead of fearing what’s next, I chose to embrace who I was becoming.
A new me
At 40, I thought my life was over. Now, many years later, I know it was only just beginning.
The key isn’t to cling to who you were or what you think you’ve lost. It’s to embrace who you’re becoming and the opportunities that come with each stage of life.
Every year, every day, even is a chance to grow into a new version of yourself. It’s not about meeting others’ expectations or holding onto nostalgia – it’s about creating a life that reflects who you truly are.
Life begins every day
If there’s one thing my 13-month-old granddaughter has taught me, it’s this: life doesn’t begin at 40, 50, or 60. Life begins every single day when you choose to wake up with the right attitude and an open heart. That’s what she does.
Looking back, I’m grateful for the lessons that disastrous birthday taught me. It forced me to confront my fears and start the journey of becoming the person I am today.
As I step into this next decade, I’m excited to continue evolving, growing, and embracing all the sass, wisdom, and joy life offers.
Here’s to celebrating every moment because life truly begins every day.
Share Your Story
Have you had a milestone birthday that shaped your perspective? I’d love to hear about it in the comments below. Let’s keep the conversation going and inspire each other to embrace life at every age.